It's more a lack of motivation than will power holding me back from getting my life together. It's difficult to overcome while in times past it wasn't.The reasons being - the benefits of self improvement were high then as opposed to now. It's not too often that I seek help and it's unlikely I'd know who to ask it from. This isn't a good position to be in especially when I look at all the homeless walking by who have next to nothing but have their health and can easily walk to and fro at ages well above their 50s and 60s. If I can get to that point without shocking my system then the bulk of my struggles are gone. It's a no brainer that I never should've let myself get to where I'm at now but that's easier said than done.
Those already established in life or from the older generations rarely understand how hard it is to just maintain. It simply costs too much to live nowadays. The current broken socioeconomic infrastructure is something the generations past had no concept of. They didn't realize how good they had it. The basics of life - adequate food,shelter,savings,spending money,a sense of family/community - that was a given for any man of sound mind and in decent enough health. Working any ole job was enough to have all that and more. What lead from that to now was a gradual process and the subject for another posting.
So is this an approaching demise or a swift push into taking the best possible adventure ever? Twenty years ago it could've brought about a life of traveling with little care in the world (once I stopped worrying about what others thought and the shock of having no permanent place to lay my head wore off) . Coulda, shoulda,and woulda. Unless something damn near miraculous happens my likely fate looks dreadful.
So what adventures (if any) await me remains a mystery. Perhaps I'll get to travel westward as stated on my Yahoo profile. There's places I simply can't afford to visit if I tried to do it the old fashion way of saving up and taking a vacation. That's not feasible on my wages. This reminds of a time when I was riding a city bus in Tacoma,Washington. I struck up a conversation with a young man around my age who asked me point blank if I worked. I said yes and his response was - that's slavery. I agreed then and I agree even more now.
All these years of working was simply to keep myself afloat. I lived frugally but that didn't change the fact that every cent I made was barely enough to keep myself afloat. I played by the system's rules and it got me no where. All those years were a waste. If I had it all to do over. I'd have left it all and just lived the life of a bum. Not that that's the life I'd prefer but it's better than working all kinds of strange hours of the day and night with nothing left to get out there and experience life. To have a family of one's own is a privilege of the well to do nowadays and it's been that way for over 20 years. What's frustrating about all this is that so few see it even though they're living it themselves. Over the years I've tried informing people of this among other harsh realities. It's only recently that people have been receptive to it. All hail the "free" market and all that jazz.
So with that I bid everyone a good day. Thanks for taking the time to read my recent posting. Hopefully things in your life won't be so bleak.